& here we go -- len

[marlene helen hamilton]

Her head starting to slowly ache again, combined with the sinking feeling of guilt, the awful and all too familiar aftertaste of being left behind and the usual odd emotions that came from looking at him made the girl feel rather overwhelmed; rubbing her temples again, she let out a deep sigh. "I think I need that coffee now." She said, rather exhausted as well; eyeing him, she started wondering whether he had noticed she looked half dead, undead or anything involving death. "Yeah, I've had quite a rough night yesteday, so I've had better mornings than this, honestly." That was quite the underestatement indeed, but she didn't feel like telling him the whole truth, partially because she was a reserved being, partially because she didn't want for him to frown upon her. He wanted to make her smile...which made her lower her head slightly and actually smile; Brey was quite the sweet guy, wasn't he? A quick stab of pain in her chest reminded her everyone was sweet at first; it was how they ended up becoming that it mattered, but since there was no way of knowing it beforehand, relationships were doomed to fail. There he was, going on again about how Travis was her boyfriend; it would have been entertaining, under different circumstances, had she been her old self, to let him, but she hated liars too much now to behave like one herself.

"Travis is not my boyfriend, Brey." The brunette finally let out with a small sigh; she wasn't the kind of girl to string guys along, like her friend had earlier implied. "He's a friend of mine, just a friend. Not a friend with benefits, don't go thinking that." She added quickly, wanting to clear the air, knowing the boundary between friendships and relationships was getting more and more muddled, these days."Well, not with him, anyway." Closing her eyes, she rubbed her eyes tiredly, thinking about what had happened the night before; who knew if she had actually unknowingly become friends with benefits with Lena...Next thing she knew, she was laughing out loud at his words; strong? Oh, how mistaken the tall, dark and handsome guy was. "I used to be, or I fooled myself into believing I was, but not anymore." Again, it was always worse when Braeden was around; he made her think, made her feel when all she wanted was being numb and painless. "I'll blame myself all I want. If everybody leaves, it's probably not them, but me. I'm skilled like that, m'dear." Smiling at her as she stared at him, her tone sounded light in a nearly forceful way, even if her words weren't. "Anyway, I still want that coffee with my mint chocolate cookies, if you don't mind, Brey."

[braeden ryan baker]

Braeden did notice Len’s change of appearance. She looked tired, hung over, and stressed out. The girl didn’t need any more trouble than what she woke up dealing with. It was foolish of Travis to act out like he had, putting her through so much more. Len didn’t deserve that, and when your lady was stressed and not feeling too well, he should have kept her at home and waited on her every whim. At least, that’s what Brey would have done. He was a caretaker and always enjoyed taking care of the people he cared about... as long as they were sick and not inhibited by drugs. He felt sorry for her; sorry that she had to deal with that poor excuse of a man. Brey desperately wanted to make her feel better but he didn’t know how. All of his plans had a tendency of backfiring and today had been a perfect example of that. Her comment about last night had made him curious as to what her activities consisted of but it too was none of his business and he honestly might not want to know. Brey didn’t want to hear about her bedroom activities with Travis and so he wanted to be spared from the details. ”Oh?” They certainly had looked like a couple when they came in and argued like a couple. ”A jealous friend then perhaps?” Her friend’s behavior certainly stemmed from something and jealousy seemed a viable possibility.

His brow furrowed. The thought of Len having friends with benefits wasn’t something he would have come up with on his own. He didn’t think that Len would be the type of person to have friends like that. She had come off as very respectable, refined. Surely, she couldn’t participate in such hormonal behavior. No, Brey refused to entertain that thought. ”No, Len.” He reached out to rub her hand reassuringly. ”Everybody that leaves you is just afraid, intimidated, because you’re perfect. They don’t deserve you if they can’t stick around due to their own insecurities.” Brey nodded and got up from the booth to go fetch her expresso and fresh cookies. The others had been left unattended and he didn’t want to give her cold coffee and cookies. Instead, he excused himself politely before going to the kitchen. He selected freshly baked mint cookies, a few more than a normal order and made her coffee. He returned to her table, with her order. ”Let us know if you need anything else.” Brey reached to give her shoulder a gentle squeeze. Poor dear, her thoughts were all backwards. It was like she was brainwashed by an ex boyfriend or something. No one should have to go through life thinking that way. She deserved to be happy and bubbly, she just picked the wrong people to be with.

[/blockquote][/justify]

[marlene helen hamilton]

Studying his reaction to her words more carefully than she would have thought she would have, Marlene thought she was spotting something that sounded a little too much like relief in his voice for her to be comfortable with; still, even as she shifted in her seat, she could feel herself interested in all this. "He's a man-whore, as I'm sure you have heard by now, and is definitely not in a good place now. His ex girlfriend left him again and went away with their baby, or at least I think she did and..." At that, the brunette trailed off, her eyes widening as she realized she had been so self absorbed to miss the obvious truth: Travis missed her and Levi. Great friend she was, right there, seeking him for help when she needed to be comforted but not giving a damn about his own issues; running a hand through her hair, she let out a deep sigh, shaking her head. "He jokes about having a crush on me, that's all." Still, she had been incredibly selfish...does pain turn people into awful beings? Afterall, most murderers, rapers and criminals in general come from a past of abuse and sadness...She really should have called him, once she got herself together.

Suddenly, his hand touched hers and she felt electricity running through her body, which made her look up at him briefly; he always seemed so calm, cool and collected, yet so caring at the same time. Why did he seem to care so much? Why did it matter to her anyway, since he was nothing but a boy she had seen a couple of times? "No." His whole speech pretty much made her eyes swell up with tears; he did have a tendency to touch her feelings and thoughts in ways others didn't, but she wasn't sure how much she liked it at the moment. "Don't. I'm so not perfect, I tried to be for a very long time, but...I gave up." It was true; the brunette had been so focused on trying not to disappoint anyone, up until she had met someone who supposedly loved her as she was, flaws included. "No one's ever perfect, nothing ever is, and fooling yourself into believing it it's just a way to set yourself up for disappointment." Thankfully he was leaving now, because she could definitely feel herself about to burst into tears; the girl barely managed to keep herself from it, reminding herself she was in a public place and that no one should see her in such a state. Taking a few deep breaths, she eyed him as he came back with delicious looking cookies and very strong smelling coffee. "Thank you." Len managed to let out in a shaky voice; once again, he proved himself to be so caring, once again she almost caught herself leaning her head on his forearm as he touched his shoulder lightly. "I just need someone to lean on." She whispered to herself once again, knowing that was all it could ever be, because her heart was still in a million hurting shards.

[braeden ryan baker]

Braeden knew nothing of Travis but he had observed that he seemed to be overconfident, a terrible temper, and incredibly arrogant. Whether that was true r not, he didn’t know. Judging, it always came back to judging even though he didn’t mean to. He nodded, understanding why Travis had acted the way he did. The guy was probably torn up emotionally due to his baby momma taking off again. Braeden knew he wouldn’t be able to handle something like that happening to him. Knowing all of the happiness in the world…. And having it ripped away would be far too difficult to get over. It was no wonder why Travis snapped. It seemed that the trio had something in common… the people they loved left them in one way or another. He assumed that Travis joked about the crush to hide his pain or to try to find someone to care about him. Brey knew that drifting on by in life sucked, majorly as he often did it. He, like Travis didn’t have much of a purpose. It wasn’t like Brey had something to live for really, he just did. The good thing was Brey was probably much better at hiding the feelings than Travis was. He’d been doing it for years and simply pretended that they didn’t exist. It was the only way that he could be sane half of the time and not dwell in the past and his mistakes, which were everywhere he looked.

He had always been one of the calmer people, even when he was excited. Brey cared because everyone needed someone to care about them, whether that person saw it or not. Her I’m not so perfect speech sounded ridiculous. He rolled his eyes, not giving it much thought. She was right that people weren’t perfect; but Len was perfect in her own way, she just didn’t see it yet. It was like she needed help seeing her good qualities. Brey would try the best he could to make her see that she was special. Her voice was too shaky for his liking. Brey’s look of concern returned on his face. Alright. That’s it, move over. Brey instructed as he waited for her to scotch further into the booth. He wasn’t going to leave her sad like this, not when he was making a measly $10 per hour. After sitting down next to her, he outstretched his arms for a hug if she wanted one. Len needed a super long cuddle session, someone she could just hug until she was able compose herself once more. He’d offer that but he didn’t want her to be pressured into it so he left it open ended. You don’t have to be so tough about everything. You could always let it out; get it off your chest. I’m here if you’d like to do that. So what if he was working? At this point he didn’t care. Len needed someone to lean on and well, he had to make the customer happy. Or we can go somewhere else. I just want to make you feel better, Len. I miss your laugh.

[/blockquote][/justify]

[marlene helen hamilton]

It was amazing how one could realize such important things in the span of a minute; incredible how just a few seconds could open someone else's eyes and let them see the world as it was. Still, the moment of self realization came with the weight of guilt; surely, she had been a crappy, self centered and self absorbed friend. Were all her conversations about herself? Because she could have seen that happening as well, without even realizing; was she really turning into one of those 'me me me' people? Looking up at Braeden, her eyes wide open, she could clearly see the difference between the two of them: the guy barely knew her and there he was, offering to be her shoulder to cry on. The brunette started wondering how he must have been like at home, with his family and the friends he had known his whole life; considering he had been in the Hamptons his whole life, he was bound to have some of those. "Why?" She asked, moving over already as he had asked her to, even if her brows were furrowed; she really was that surprised about his reaction, even if there was no reason to. His open arms, though, she had seen coming; freezing for just a handful of seconds, as physical contact reminded her of Alexander, the girl inhaled deeply as she settled for leaning her head on his shoulder.

"You really are as muscular as you seem." She commented, a small smile on her face; oddly enough, his warmth was somehow soothing her. Now, Len had never been the type to get so close to people she had just met: she had a habit of being friendly, but in a reserved and cool way. Braeden though...he somehow asked to be leaned on and she needed that, so much, even if she fooled herself into believing she could have been better on her own. "You know, if I did that, if I let that happen, I would be using you. How do you know I won't just let everything out and pour all my issues on you, only to leave you when I'll be fine again?" She had that happening to her and she wasn't remotely as caring as he seemed to be; he was practically begging her to be her tissue to cry only to be thrown away. "And if you're going to go all 'I'm a saint and I don't care if you use me, so long as I fix you in the meantime' on me, I swear to God I will take these cookies and eat enough to make my stomach explode, because I'm already feeling like an awful person enough for the day." Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply and felt her body slowly get less tensed up; his presence was making the matters at hand better, for how irrational that was. "You deserve someone that makes you happy."

[braeden ryan baker]

Everyone was selfish at one point in their lives or another. Brey had been selfish, trying to hold on to someone who didn’t want him many times before. Len really shouldn’t have beaten herself up about it; it wasn’t that big of a deal and Travis would get over it eventually. It wasn’t the end of the world and she needed to learn how to relax and not take everything so seriously. Calming down would be the best because then she would be able to think clearly and go over her options on what she could do. Sitting next to her, he wrapped his toned arms around her softly incase she was uncomfortable; she wouldn’t have any problems breaking away from his hug. He rolled his eyes playfully at her comment. Braeden wasn’t that muscular, just defined at best. He chose not to acknowledge that comment because he was far too modest. There were guys who were stronger, better looking, and smarter as well. Braeden considered himself to be average or slightly above, but nothing more. As for his muscles, they were just developed from high school and every time he had a few extra dollars to go to the gym. He didn’t go every day, perhaps a few times a month at best but that was all.

He let her use him as a pillow and support for as long as she needed it. Shaking his head, he couldn’t help but to chuckle at her question and then her own answer to it. Well, my dear. I don’t want your stomach to explode, it would be very painful for you and very messy for me. He gave her a gentle squeeze before he eased up but still held her. But I don’t mind, really because I don’t think you’re going to leave me hanging once you feel better. Brey felt that they had something more than just acquaintance. They barely knew each other and yet, he felt completely at ease around her. It sort of felt as if he had known her for a very long time because he understood where she was coming from most of the time. It was one of those weird relationships but he wouldn’t change it. We have too much fun, A small smirk appeared on his lips. Today of course was an exception but Brey had a feeling once they got over this meltdown, it would be fun. He was absolutely content with the way this was going… Len was calming down and she would soon feel better. Her next statement caught him off guard. Where did that come from? It made him feel hollow and a small aching feeling arose in his heart. His jaw clenched for a second before it was released. Oh Len, that’s the furthest thing from my mind right now. Someone that made him happy? Was it some kind of sick joke? There weren’t many people that could make him happy. Was it weird that Len was one of those people? I could say the same for you. He pressed his lips against her cheek for a second. You need happy.

[/blockquote][/justify]

[marlene helen hamilton]

He was a rather comfortable pillow: soft but not too much, warm, scented even. Someone should have marketed him as such, because surely he'd have had a great success; chuckling lightly at the odd thought, the girl shook her head, adjusting it to lean more comfortably on his shoulder. "In case everything else fails, with this cafe and your writing, you could have a career as a serial hugger to fall back on. That or work as a pillow, mattress, couch, carpet, according to need." Tilting her head slightly to glance at him, Marlene tried keeping a straight face and somewhat failed at it, especially after catching a glimpse of the face he had made after she had told him how fit he was. "Don't give me that look, we both know it's true. Look around, how many guys with these biceps do you see in town?" Touching them lightly as she spoke, she felt suddenly odd, considering the intimacy of her gesture; definitely, she wasn't used to being so comfortable around semi-strangers. "Well, it's the Hamptons, so maybe there are quite a few toned guys around, celebrities, actors and whatnot, but stil, you got what I was talking about." Blushing only slightly at her odd behaviour, the girl cleared her throat a bit and finally focused her attention on the coffee in front of her. "Thanks, by the way. For the coffee and stuff."

Playing with the cup of coffee, she watched as the dark liquid swayed from one side to the other, appreciating the scorching heat that radiated out of it, even if the scent definitely wasn't her favourite; still, she forced herself to straighten up slightly and take a sip, without breaking the contact with the boy all the while. "...Whoa." Len couldn't help but cough slightly, feeling like she was probably going to choke on the damn thing; definitely, she wasn't a coffee lover at heart. "It's a good espresso, strong, I believe Italians would actually like this." She tried to compliment him, just so he knew it wasn't his coffee in particular that made her have such an adverse reaction, more like coffee in general. Then again, Braeden probably already knew, considering he had offered her free tea for a month. Speaking about which..."Had you noticed me? I mean, before the online chat and the deal and the two days." Her small moment of self flattery was over when he went on with the little speech of his; what made him so sure she was different? "You trust people too much then. Everybody leaves, it's only a matter of when and how painful it will be for each of the parts involved. There's no such thing as forever, it's all a lie." He seemed like an actually nice guy and letting him entertain such silly beliefs felt to her like watching a car about to crash without even trying to stop it. At least he wasn't fooling himself into believing in happiness and all that silly jazz; that was already something. "I was not made to be happy. Or happiness wasn't made for me. I believe we're mutually incompatible." She added, her tone still light; she had tried escaping her fate and had ended up being even more miserable than before.

[braeden ryan baker]

A pillow, really? He didn’t think that it was an appropriate business opportunity because unfortunately, Braeden couldn’t be everywhere at once. He could only be in one place at a time and as frustrating as it was, it was just the way things were. As it is, Brey was already thinking about a million other things he could do while he was working, like hanging out with Len and acting as a personal body guard for her feelings. He’d make sure they didn’t get hurt and try hopefully to make her happy. He didn’t know how successful that business venture might be but it was something he was subconsciously looking into. Len probably wouldn’t like him around all of the time but he’d gladly settle for an arrangement that included twice a week. It sounded reasonable enough and he would work for free. He’d have to run it by her later once she was in lighter spirits. Her playful comments were very much amusing and he liked this side of her. She was joking around, touching him, even looking at him without cringing. It was as if she made progress within her inner workings or something. He doubted whether she would be this close to him on a normal day. Why did it have to take her sadness to bring her close? Tomorrow she’s snap back to her cold self and Brey wouldn’t take it personally because he knew better. Len had her own defense mechanisms and they were pretty obvious. Braeden was extra cautious as to not upset those barriers just in case she wasn’t receptive and his attempts at being nice backfired.

He watched as she touched him. It felt much different from when he was holding her simply because she was the one initiating contact with his biceps. Sure he was still hugging her but it was different… a good different. Yeah, yeah. I know. Was she checking him out? Probably, but knowing her, she would never admit that. You’re quite welcome, darling. It was his job and so he would have had to get her coffee and cookies whether he liked it or not. Brey just wouldn’t let her pay for them. It would be a gift, an I hope you feel better gift. Hopefully, she would enjoy it and come back next week. Honestly, he didn’t care if it was for him or the coffee just so long as she came back.

Yeah, don’t worry about it, I don’t like it either. Do you want some tea instead? He questioned curiously. Tea was much better than coffee any day of the week but that was just his opinion. Her coughing bout did make him amused since he hadn’t seen a reaction to it in quite a while. Teens and young adults were already so accustomed to the hot beverage that it was no surprise every time they drank it. Her next question made him smirk, she had figured him out. He knew that she would have eventually; he just didn’t think that it would be so soon. Yeah, I did. It’s not a very large place and I work almost every day. Besides not many pass through here that are quite like you. It sounded cheesy and Brey desperately wanted to be poetic, especially at a time like this but his mind failed him miserably. He shook his head, denying her statements about love and happiness and whatever other emotion she was repressing. I certainly do not trust people too much. I give everyone a fair chance to be nice until they prove otherwise. It wouldn’t be right of me to be distant towards one person based on judgment alone. Brey thought that living and learning was important. He knew that forever didn’t exist and people often left you but that was no reason to crawl into a ball and stop living. If anything it was a chance to cut your losses and start over. The people that leave aren’t important, only the people that stay the longest. A slight frown crossed his lips. Everyone’s made to be happy. Perhaps you just haven’t found someone to show you how things could really be or maybe you have but they ripped it from you selfishly. I don’t know, but I do know that once the medium is reached… the right person at the right time, it will prove you wrong and then you won’t have to put up walls anymore. Just remember that true love doesn’t hurt, if it hurts you to love someone, they aren’t worth the time nor effort and it’s best to just move on. He didn’t know where that philosophical speech came from.

[/blockquote][/justify]

[marlene helen hamilton]

He knew? What exactly was he aware of, that there were actors with bodies as toned as his around there, or that there weren’t at all? No normal guy looked like him, unless they played football or some equally stupid sport all day, every day, which clearly wasn’t his case; Brey had an actual job, he was working at a cafeteria long hours probably to help the financially troubled family he had, plus he had attended Columbia and found the time to even write. Such a busy life he must have had…Len almost felt guilty for taking any of that hard earned free time from him, starting with the two days deal and going on with the fact she was interfering with his job right now. ”I bet you call every woman like that.” Smirking slightly at the nickname he had called her with, the brunette proceeded to stretch her arms again, thoroughly feeling as though she had died and had been brought back to life, all in one night. Alcohol surely was dangerous, there was no doubt about that; still, even if that was the case, she couldn’t honestly say she regretted using it to make herself feel better the night before. Granted, she would have locked herself in her room in order not to risk having sex with a friend of hers, had she known what could have happened beforehand, but, other than that, she had no particular regret, which scared her immensely.

Tea surely did sound like a better bet and idea and Len found herself craving it, but decided to shake her head and politely refuse his offer; it was the same reason for which she denied her thirsty self some cold water in the middle of the night or sweet in the afternoons. Desires made her feel alive and were better than the sharp or dull ache she was otherwise feeling all day long; a nice change in pace, if you will or maybe some light forms of self punishment. ”If you don’t want a girl to know you noticed her, conceal the fact you know her tastes well when bribing her to dance with you.” Her words were spoken again in the soft, playful tone she had used before, but her smile grew a little wider at his words; it showed that either Braeden had never been hurt, or he had been and was stronger than her and nearly everyone she knew. The girl was firmly persuaded that the reaction to pain defined people much more than their way of handling happiness; it was easy, when one was glad, content and satisfied with her of his life, to be kind and gentle to others. Easy never mattered; only hardships tested people’s true strength, a test she was failing miserably. ”Don’t give anyone a real chance, it’s not worth it. Only if you’re lucky enough to meet someone willing to break down those walls of yours, then, maybe, try and trust them.” She doubted such selfless people existed; even if he seemed to be one of those, there must have been some trick beyond that façade of his. ”No, you’re not important to the people who leave, rather.” His speeches always made her feel more acutely wounds she would rather forget about; surely he only meant to help, but truthfully she’d rather pretend nothing had ever happened in the first place, that she wasn’t broken, shattered and in pieces as they spoke. Len knew right well pretending never solved anything, but she couldn’t deal with facing her issues now; thinking hurt her too much. ”There’s no such thing as the right person or the right time. Thinking something’s right is only a way to provide yourself some comfort in an otherwise dull life.” His words about love hit too close to home for comfort; thus she detangled herself from him and quickly got up, stuffing her hand in her pocket and placing a fifty dollar bill on the table surface, wetting her lips feverishly in the meantime. ”True love is never easy and is always worth fighting for.” He had been the one giving up on her, she was and still probably would be plenty willing to still try. ”I’m sorry, I just need to…go home and rest. Thanks for everything, Brey.” With that, she left the room, walking away suddenly, as quickly as she had been walking in.