the sincerest apology -- len

[marlene helen hamilton]

Very noble of you to worry so much about someone you barely know, but shouldn't you try and fix yourself before attempting to heal others?

[braeden ryan baker]

BRAEDEN! has just signed on!

BRAEDEN!: I should, yes. But I've given up on trying to fix myself. Helping others is much more important and I'm sure it's too late for me to fix whatever it is that's wrong with me. I don't even know what's wrong anymore.

[/center]

[marlene helen hamilton]

Let's go back to when it all started being wrong then.

[braeden ryan baker]

BRAEDEN! has just signed on!

BRAEDEN!: I don't even remember. I guess it being wrong has become the normal thing for me.

[/center]

[marlene helen hamilton]

Oh, come on, that's a lie. You, of all people, would know; I'm fairly sure you spend half of whatever free time you have over-analyzing what went wrong and what you could have done to keep it from turning out the way it did.

[braeden ryan baker]

BRAEDEN! has just signed on!

BRAEDEN!: You're right. How do you know me so well? I guess it started at the beginning. When we were paired up for a project and I ended up doing all of the work like a sucker.

[/center]

[marlene helen hamilton]

Mhm, let me guess. She was the popular girl -cheerleader captain?- and you were the clever and diligent boy who's hot but doesn't even realize it.

[braeden ryan baker]

BRAEDEN! has just signed on!

BRAEDEN!: Same old story huh? I don't know, she put up a good facade. But then again... I was naive

[/center]

[marlene helen hamilton]

So you ended up together. How was the actual relationship?

[braeden ryan baker]

BRAEDEN! has just signed on!

BRAEDEN!: I barely remember. I pushed it away. It was good for a while. But I guess she got bored of me or something and said I was "smothering" her by giving her too much attention; when I backed off, she'd complain. It was like I couldn't do anything right.

[/center]

[marlene helen hamilton]

Did you love her, though?

[braeden ryan baker]

BRAEDEN! has just signed on!

BRAEDEN!: Truth be told, I'm not sure. I don't even think I know what love is. I only know from reading, not from personal experience. She was the last person I was in a relationship with... and that was three years ago.

[/center]

[marlene helen hamilton]

Love. You want a definition of love?

[braeden ryan baker]

BRAEDEN! has just signed on!

BRAEDEN!: No. I liked her very much. Whether or not I loved her, I couldn't be sure. What does it matter? It's not like she's living and breathing. Its done. Its over.

[/center]

[marlene helen hamilton]

It matters, you know it does. If it wasn't love, you can move on; if it was just a crush, you can let your soul rest in peace instead of pieces.

So I'll give you my own definition of love, for how useless that is, given that I assume it varies from person to person, even if slightly. When you love someone, you feel alone, no matter how many people are around you and how much you care about them, until you're together. Your days feel like endless hours, waiting to come home to that person. Everything good or bad or even neutral that happens during said days, you feel the need, the urge to tell to him or her. Nothing feels as good if you're not with him or her, it could be improve because of their presence. You'll fight, but you'll always go back to them, because the very thought of being without them scares you to death. You miss them.