you are a mirror i cannot avoid , travis

[kelsey4]

i was feeling insecure, you might not love me anymore
i was shivering inside.

wake up. take a shower. force levi to wake. make breakfast. take levi to school. go to class. come home. sleep. rinse, rinse, repeat. lately, valencia st. clair had a monotonous life. she'd hoped moving away for the first time ever to a completely different state might bring a bit of change into her life and give her a fresh start. she had escaped the demons that plagued her in nashville, at least thus far, and come to settle down in east hampton, new york. see, valencia was a single mother. she led a semi hard life. only semi because her father helped her financially, and she did recently find a reliable babysitter for nights when she needed to get out. however, she'd yet to use the sitter. valencia needed something to happen. anything really. when her days seemed fairly routine, it left her free time. the free time let her think. thinking for long periods of time was bad in her case. it made her remember certain things she wanted to forget. namely, the travis situation. see, this situation was a little complicated to say the least. valencia met travis when she was about sixteen. as soon as she laid eyes on him she knew she had to meet him. and they did. he was a little different than her. she came from a high society southern family and had high maintenance written all over her at the time. despite all this, they fell for each other and dated. of course, as usual, valencia had to mess it up.

valencia had always had a big jealous streak. she would probably do just about anything to win back the one she loves. and if they didn't love her? well, she'd just try to put her jealousy into them. it hardly ever worked out for her anyways. she was realizing this about four years too late. see, travis had begun to pick up more popularity as his band took off. valencia watched all the girls swarm him constantly and over time her heart got harder and harder. after a few months of it, she had just about had enough. her jealousy had warped her ways of thinking so much she was convinced travis was cheating on her with a groupie. so she did what she did when she was upset. got wasted. she called up one of his band mates needing company and wanting to talk. it started out innocently then began getting carnal. she slept with him for 100 % revenge. waking up that next morning was horrible. a pounding headache and a tounge that tasted of malicious intent. she regretted the night before and planned on putting it behind her and coming up front to travis about it. that is, until she saw the positive little plus sign on the pregnancy test after she missed a period.

she was completely and utterly scared. so she let travis assume it was his. really, she had no idea's if it was his or the other guy's. as things go, she told travis there was a possibility it wasn't his and then he left not long after. it's been four years later and valencia learned a lesson. she is still much the same, but everyday she changes. having a kid tends to drain the spoiledness out of you a day at a time. so in the times when her life was slowed, such as how it was now, she thought about this. her regret filled her insides. she had wanted to explain to travis that she was a complete bitch for doing what she did. she wanted to tell him how she had a paternity test done, and it really was travis' kid. yep, another doozie. she had tried to get in contact with him but failed everytime so she gave up after awhile. some day she wished she could forget him, others she wanted to just sit in her bed and conjure him up right there.

currently, it was nine a.m. valencia sipped her morning coffee and watched the news. it was all just white noise to her. she barely focused on the stories. signing, she set the cup on the coffee table and slipped away to the bathroom to shower and change. thirty minutes later she emerged fresh and clean and woke up levi. she crept quietly to his bed and grinned. " wake up sleepyhead. " she said as she picked him up. his eyes fluttered open, and he thrashed around until she let him down. " well love you too then. " she laughed and went off to fix his cereal before they went off to the park. it was their tradition every saturday. this was the first time they'd go to the local one since they had been here. twenty minutes later they we're out the door and at the park. valencia pulled levi close and fiddled with his coat buttons. aww mom, he whined. " shush, you aren't getting bronchitus on my watch, now. " she let him run off to a swingset. she smiled and went to settle down on a bench. her gaze was fixed forward and she stuffed her hands in her coat pockets. this was just what she needed to get her mind off of everything.

tagged - lithi/travis
words - 877 words
comments - it will be epiccc.

[TRAVIS NOAH MICHAELS]

(TRAVIS NOAH MICHAELS)

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Travis was beginning to get used to the Hamptons. Although he was just passing through, he convinced the members of his band to stay an extra couple of days. They didn’t have any shows for the next two weeks so why spend those two weeks in a crammed van eating fast food and only stopping to stretch when someone had to use the bathroom. The Hamptons was like a little mini vacation and Travis felt that he deserved one since he hadn’t taken one in the past few years. Instead, he was busy writing songs, signing contracts, meeting new people, touring, and recording their first album under a record label. His life in its entirety was busy and hectic all at the same time. Most days he wished that it would slow down a bit so that he could catch his breath. Every time he woke up, he was in a different state and sometimes in a different time zone. It was hard to keep his travels straight and incredibly hard to keep up and get in touch with people he loved that still lived in Tennessee. His phone was always ringing whether it was his manager or his merchandising specialist trying to tie up loose ends of this project or that. Travis never complained both because he was working hard to achieve his dreams and honestly, he was never one for sharing his feelings too much.

Feelings were a sign of weakness and Travis found that out the hard way. Once upon a time, he was a young teenager and almost completely in love. Like an idiot, he confided in the girl and shared everything he felt, thought, and did; but apparently that wasn’t good enough for her. She went and cheated with one of his band mates and the excruciating pain he felt when he found out was just indescribable. It felt like she ripped out his heart, stomped on it, and then gave it back to him. Travis didn’t want to go through that kind of pain again so he stayed away from anything serious. Sure he slept around but he was careful and didn’t stay long enough to get attached to anyone. It might have been okay if she didn’t lie about Levi; he probably would have forgiven and forgotten about it. However, if Val thought he was going to stick by her and raise a child that wasn’t his, she must have taken some crazy drugs. He loved her but he couldn’t live everyday looking into Levi’s face and being constantly reminded of the hurt she caused. When Travis had left Nashville, he had every intention of returning once he calmed down a bit. However, he had heard a rumor that she was already with someone else so Travis didn’t think it would make a difference whether he returned or not.

Travis slept for fourteen hours and he couldn’t sleep any longer. His party binging had made him crash the previous day and there was really no waking him until now. Sleepily, he got up and shuffled off to shower and then lazily got dressed. As he looked out the window, he judged the weather and then put on an extra layer. After some quick breakfast of a gulp of orange juice straight from the carton, he left the hotel room and went out for a walk. He didn’t know exactly where he was going but he demanded fresh air even if it was really cold out. Winters in the north were always so strange and unpredictable. In Tennessee, the weather didn’t get that cold. Hugging his jacket tighter against his body, he found himself walking through the park. It wasn’t before long that he happened upon a bench and sat down to enjoy the breeze. His eyes glanced around at his surroundings so he could get a better sense of the area. Focusing them on a girl sitting across the play area, a small smirk appeared on his lips… she was cute, but from this distance he couldn’t be sure. Pushing himself up, he made his way over to her, getting closer. Gosh, she really looked familiar but he couldn’t place it. Perhaps she was at one of his shows or something. Travis couldn’t be sure but he wasn’t going to let that stop him. He took a seat next to her and looked where her eyes were looking. Kids were playing and normally Travis didn’t pay any attention to kids but perhaps she was a teen mom; poor thing. Val? It hit him like a ton of bricks. Trav was about to hit on his almost baby momma for the first time in three years.



Count:

[/i] 782
Tag:[/i] val
Outfit:[/i] click
Status:[/i] COMPLETE
Notes:[/i] eeepp.[/size][/blockquote]

[kelsey4]

i was feeling insecure, you might not love me anymore
i was shivering inside.

being a young mother was difficult. valencia did have monetary help from her father, yes. but all the money in the world could not help her socially. a lot of people she came in contact with looked down on her as a slut or a ditz. it wasn't like that at all. she couldn't count all the wierd looks she got when she would bring travis with her to the mall or grocery store. when she enrolled him in preschool, the headmaster treated her like an eleven year old. in the beginning, it pissed her off. she wanted to scream at everyone that passed judgement on her, but overtime she just made herself overlook it. she made it not a problem. valencia stared ahead and took in the sight of all the children playing. she watched the proud mothers and fathers and felt somewhat envious. she wished she had someone to be there for her. love her. watch levi grow up with her. dating has always been difficult thing since the dawn of time. however, dating and telling someone on the first one you have a kid back home is a sure fire way to make sure there are no calls after that. about a year after travis departure, she began dating sortof. there were never any callbacks, and she could not blame them. no one wanted to inherit a random kid.

valencia snapped out of her haze for a moment just in time to hear someone inquire her a question. " you must have the wrong person. " she said her gaze fixed in the same position. no one here could no her right? surely not. after a few seconds she teared her eyes away to face the person who had just spoken. and there he was. fucking travis michaels. her blue eyes widdened. she didn't know what to do first. her heart began pounding quickly, and she attempted to stand up on shaky knees. she could feel her skin paling a bit and her hands grow clammy. it felt like a sudden case of the stomach flu. " t-travis? " she managed to get out after a few moments. " how are you here? " she took in him fully, stepping back a bit. he looked very much the same as he had back in high school only a bit more mature and worldly. she almost had to stifle back a smile when she met his warm, brown eyes. only, she couldn't be smiling about him. she shouldn't. he had to hate her. at least that's what she thought.

so the moment had come. the moment valencia had willed to happen for so long and here she was standing in silence not able to face up for what she did all those years ago. in all of honesty, she wanted to wrap her arms around travis and bury her face in his neck and forget everything that happen. go back to how things used to be. she wanted to tell him levi was really his son without possibly freaking him out. she wanted to be with him. instead, she shoved her hands in her pockets and blinked slowly a few times. there couldn't possibly be anyway he felt the same. she would have to be insane to think that. but then again, if you never try you never know. she slowly began to build up some courage. what felt like days were only mere seconds. finally she stammered out, " i'm so sorry. " it felt incredibly weak after all she had really wanted to say, but at least he knew. " i just... i've wanted to explain for so long... " she said, her words trailing off to a mumble. she felt her eyes begin to well up a bit and she turned around. he was not going to see her cry. she was far to stubborn for that. after attempting to compose herself, she turned back quickly. she studied him completely unsure of what he was thinking.

suddenly, she felt a tug on the hem of her jacket. she looked down to see levi staring wide eyed at her. he had the same eyes as valencia, but everything else was remarkably similiar to travis, including his personality even though he was only four. moooooom, who are you talking to? he asked her looking to travis skeptically and back. valencia looked at travis hesitantly and down at levi. " oh. an old friend. " she said quickly. what else could she say? your father. as far as levi knew, well, she just never talked about it. she planned on waiting till he was older to explain it in full or at least till he asked. levi seemed satisfied with the answer and ran off to play again. valencia shifted her focus back to travis. " maybe we should sit? " she suggested and went back to the bench and sat down. at least if she passed out now it wouldn't be quite as long of a fall to the ground.

tagged - lithi/travis
words - 829 words
comments - c: <33

[TRAVIS NOAH MICHAELS]

(TRAVIS NOAH MICHAELS)

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It was weird seeing Val again. She looked good despite everything she had been through in the past couple of years. Travis didn’t think about Levi at first since Val consumed his thoughts entirely; she was the only one he saw in the park. His eyes remained focused for what seemed like the longest time. It felt like just yesterday that he was driving her home after a night out in the movies and the diner. Her parents never approved of him at all and he felt bad about that, maybe she should have listened to her parents. Poor people weren’t trustworthy and certainly not worth her time or thought. Travis hoped that he’d be good enough someday; that he’d make something of himself and have tons of money so that he might come back and whisk her away. Her parents would really love that. Val was a high class socialite running around with a “hooligan” they probably weren’t even supposed to meet the first time but it happened and there was no changing that now.

He felt strange and he didn’t know how to really explain it. It was sort of nostalgic. It took a lot of strength to hold himself back from hugging her and kiss her forehead like he’d used to do. He wished that things would fall back into place and they could wake up from this really bad revengeful dream. Seeing her now, he didn’t feel sad or angry about her infidelity. The only feelings he felt were disappointment. He was disappointed in his decision to leave her and disappointed he couldn’t touch her. Travis had no idea how she felt about him or their whole situation and he wasn’t about to push himself on her; he didn’t want her to have to relive the guilt he was sure that she had already felt. Was it weird that Travis wanted her to be happy? If she was happy in her life now, he would back off and let her live. He was really good at disappearing and not being found. But she didn’t look too happy judging by her focused expression as she stared at the playground. It didn’t register what or who she was looking at.

No you’re definitely the right person. Traivs smirked and scotched closer to her. Hopefully, she would remember him and wouldn’t brush him off like he had imaged she would. This day had crossed his mind so often. He figured that whenever they met each other again, it would be back home and somewhere cliché like bumping carts in the grocery store or something. The scenario was much better than the one he had envisioned. They weren’t in a rush to go home at least he wasn’t but he hoped she’d at least stay and talk for a few minutes and not gather her things and run away; that’s what he deserved. Travis deserved a lot of things like a slap to the face and a kick in the man parts for leaving her alone with a baby. He winced, as she said his name, hoping that she wouldn’t afflict pain upon him without a warning. He stood up to his full six foot height; she didn’t look so good all of a sudden and he couldn’t let her fall should she faint from whatever shock she had. We were just passing through but we stopped for a couple of days. he answered her rhetorical question. It felt like there was so much to say so many questions to ask but none of them were clear right now. He stopped himself from talking; he didn’t need to overwhelm her. His face dropped at her words. Travis never liked seeing her upset. Automatically, he opened his arms so they would be there if she wanted them. It was hard talking about this but the explanation didn’t matter right now. They could always work their way to it, it didn’t have to happen right this second. It’s okay Val, I don’t need an explanation. People make mistakes.

Before he could say anything else, they were interrupted by a munchkin. Looking down, he saw Levi for the first time in a really long time. Damn, that boy looked just like him. Travis frowned knowing he was the one that made the bigger mistake out of the two of them. He missed out on Levi’s first words, steps, school. Travis was a bad father. The boy disappeared again and he felt so guilty. He sat down as she suggested but his expression was pained. He’s mine isn’t he? It was weird that Travis wasn’t upset about being a dad at such a young age. Instead, he was upset that he was a jackass and missed everything. He could have had a perfect life with an amazing girlfriend and a child, but no, he had to go and mess everything up. I’m really sorry, he frowned. I should have stayed, I should have found you sooner, I shouldn’t have gotten so angry at you. He was more angry at himself now and he didn’t know how to get over it.

Count:

[/i] 856
Tag:[/i] val
Outfit:[/i] click
Status:[/i] COMPLETE
Notes:[/i] awww uber sad.[/size][/blockquote]